"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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