I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
