I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
