So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
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