and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
