Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
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