32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
