We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
