someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
