She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
