I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
