I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
