I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
