stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She has the best kind of daddy issues
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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