i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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