I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize