god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
