They should really pass out barf bags in church
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
