Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
