her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
