Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
