Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
