You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
