my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
