Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
