well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
