Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize