real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
