I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
