Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
