Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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