He had one of those small greek statue penises
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
