how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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