The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
