I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
