dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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