eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Randomize
