You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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