so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
