Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
