Quick, to the slutcave!
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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