I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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