they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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