Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
