At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
