The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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