There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
