Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
