Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
