so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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