I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
