Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize