he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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