I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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