I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
