Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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