I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
