I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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