Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
