i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
