I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
