You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
