thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
