No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
