How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
