Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
