marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
