But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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