someone get that fucking seahorse.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
