Sponge bath it is.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
sarcasm needs its own font
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
