matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
foreskin is a definite game changer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
