Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
