So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
