Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
