can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
