theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize