Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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