If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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