Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
