I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize