eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
