Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
