What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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