You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
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