Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
