whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
