Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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