I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
