I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I will die if light touches me.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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