i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
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