your parents love me but you hate me
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
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