Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
