We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
